"My thatha is dead, Sir", said the girl unapologetic ally, "I would not be coming for the classes next week."
"Didn't your thatha die last week?" shouted a boy from the last bench, and sent the class in peel of laughter.
Generations come and go, but the excuses are the same. Grandfathers are the first victims of lies and deceit. Their grandparents do not hesitate to kill them in the class, across the country.
Be it a Malayali or a Bihari, the child is taught from the very beginning that grandfathers are "disposable". A leave can be sanctioned on short notice at the very drop of a hat, or a body for that matter. This unity in diversity helps us ensure we attend weddings, birthday parties, house warming ceremonies and even those awkward 'girl-becomes-woman' occasions. It is another matter that Thatha is rarely invited at any of these events. Even if he did show up, with his his grumblings and moaning in attendance, we wish he were better off dead than alive.
Which brings us to the question, why only Thatha? Sure, the ajji (grandmother) is used, but news of her fictional death is kept for special occasions, or when the Thatha's death can be reincarnated no more, whether the actual grandpa is alive or not does not matter. Grandmothers, as Marvin (the baby cartoon guy) says, are the primary goodies givers, while mothers are the primary care-givers. So, Grandmothers cannot be taken for granted. Their sentiments cannot be hurt. Favorite sweets, snacks or biryani cannot be risked at the cost of one holiday. Hence, great care is taken to keep them alive, while they are alive.
Thathas on the other hand, are 'expendable'. Their stories can be replaced with 'Amar Chitra Katha', the pocket money they give is measly, you can hurt them and get away with sleeping on their lap. You are the sole custodian of their most dirty secrets, be it a collection of Playboy magazines, imported Cigars to be smoked when Grandma is away worshiping the Gods, and you are only one to witness the sneaky glances exchanged between him and the pretty young wife next door. Your Thatha has Hugh Hefner in his genes, and dil to abhi jawaan hai (the heart is still young). You can blackmail him and still have your cheek pinched with love and affection.
The recent Vodafone ad is proof of this fact. "For those you are young" is the tagline i believe and a proactive Thatha is the protagonist. It is only a matter of time before the teacher spots him as one of the 'walking dead' and gets the child to explain the confusion to the nation, and even bring Arnab Goswami on board to explain this national tragedy. Perhaps asking Modi why his political grandfateher, Advani was absent during important events would be food for thought.
A law may be brought about to ensure millions of Thathas are not killed across thousands of schools scattered across the country.
For now, i have to sign the letter of absence...'Granted leave of three days-Thatha is dead-Again'.
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